


don't let go of my hand ; welcome summer love

by smoll_jane



Series: welcome summer love [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Fluff, Holding Hands, Leaving Home, M/M, Promises, being in the closet, getting to find yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 15:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19320532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoll_jane/pseuds/smoll_jane
Summary: Fall in love. That's something interesting. If we fall, can we get up again, after? Where do we fall? Is there any way to be in love and continue on walking? Jisoo doesn't want to leave Jeonghan. He wants to have his hand in his forever.





	don't let go of my hand ; welcome summer love

**Author's Note:**

> hi dear! that's me again… i guess?
> 
> after realizing how much i love summer, i decided to write a whole serie of short one-shots like this one and the last one (between ice cream and a few sweat drops, if you're interested in reading it). i hope you'll look forward to it! and as usual don't feel shy to give me your opinion about my work, it's always a pleasure to know what people think of it!
> 
> take care ♡

  
  
  
"Haaaaa why is it so hot?"

Jisoo chuckles when Jeonghan rolls on his back to get closer to the fan. His bangs are lifted up by the slight breeze, but his face still betrays how hot he feels. Cheeks reddened, skin shiny, mouth slightly falling open to breath more easily. Their hands are sticky, sweaty, but don't leave each other. That's the rule. Jeonghan lifts an eyelid to discover Jisoo's amused and fond smile. "What?" Jisoo shrugs, traces circles above the backs of their hands. The film playing as background stopped being interesting a long time ago. It's too hot to focus, their only presence is enough of an occupation.

"I can't wait until summer ends. It's definitely too hot." Jeonghan is right. The heatwave hit the city a few days ago and doesn't seem ready to go before at least a week. Every move is exhausting, it's like a heavy cloud of heat is floating above them, resting it's weight on their shoulders, slowing everything down. Jisoo lowers the head at what his boyfriend just said, lets the corners of his lips fall down. His heart clenches a bit, he slightly loosens his grip, letting his fingers slide off the contact. Jeonghan finally opens both of his eyes and realizes what he just said. Straightening up, he clutches Jisoo's fingers and puts his other hand on his neck, caressing his cheek with his thumb. "That's not what I meant. I don't want summer to end. I've talked too fast. I don't want you to leave." Jisoo smiles sadly, leans in the touch. He nods, closes his eyes to hide his overwhelming.

The end of summer.

When Jisoo has been told he would go back to Los Angeles, his world crashed. He thought it was a joke, he thought it was just for the holidays. But his mother showed him the papers. The subscription to university. "But you always said you wanted to study in the USA!", was her argument. _Things have changed, mom,_ he wanted to tell her. But he couldn't, obviously. He couldn't tell her he wanted to stay in Korea for Jeonghan. He couldn't tell her they were more than friends. He couldn't tell her the boy she's let enter their house so many times to _review their exams_ , was kissing him in the dark. She wouldn't understand. She wouldn't accept. So he had to do with the fact he would go back to LA. He had to live with the countdown in his head, the clock harassing him every time his eyes land on Jeonghan. _Tic, toc, tic, toc_. So the only solution he found was to spend all his time left with him.

"You could come with me. We wouldn't have to hide over there." It's been a long time since he first thought about it. And the words sound wrong when they finally leave his mind. Jeonghan's gaze softens, saddens. Pulling him closer, he sticks their foreheads together, tightens his hand. The door of the room slams open, breaking the embrace at the exception of their linked hands. "Hannie where is the shampoo you bought the other day? Oh, hello Jisoo!" Jeonghan sighs and lazily gets up, leaving Jisoo's hand, to extend a pink bottle to his sister, standing in the door frame. Jisoo waves at her, lips hushed in a thin line, and leans backward on the bed to stare at the ceiling. If they were at his place, Jeonghan would have rolled on the side to put at much distance as it is supposed to be separating two friends. They would have turn the film on to fake their occupation. They would have been on the lookout all the time. It's different at the Yoon's house. When they're sitting in the dining room, Jeonghan is not shy to lean on his shoulder, their hands stay in each other under the table, he sometimes puts it on Jisoo's thigh to calm him when he's nervous. Why can't it be just like that at home? Jisoo sighs when Jeonghan comes back to him, sliding a hand on his chest, hiding his head in the hollow of his neck. Their fingers intertwine again, a raft embarks his heart on a storm of feelings.

He doesn't want to leave.

"What were we talking about?", whispers Jeonghan, chest heavily lifted up as he tries his best to breath despite the heat. Jisoo knows he's trying to change the subject. He's trying to talk about something else. Jisoo hushes, presses his eyes closed to hold back some threatening tears. With his free hand, he strokes Jeonghan's hair, finds some peace in the soft streaks, plays with a lonely curl. Jeonghan tightens the embrace, leaves a kiss on his neck. Jisoo can't disguise the tremors in his voice when he asks : "Remember the first time you held my hand?" Jeonghan chuckles, straightens up on an elbow to look at him in the eyes. "I do, how could I forget?"

They were sixteen, back then. After a disastrous first school year in Korean, Jisoo was convinced it would only get worse. Grades in free fall, trying to find himself, discovering a new world he only heard of, just like a fairytale. A fairytale much less magic in reality. The system was hard, he still wasn't fully comfortable with the language, had no friends. But there was this boy, in the back row of the class. He thought he was doing Nothing but sleeping, but everytime Jisoo didn't understand something, winced at a difficult exercise or rummaged through his bag to fake being busy, the boy handed him his book or a sheet with the answers. It was weird, he didn't even know his name, since he didn't even find useful to wear his nametag.

The first time they talked, it was for a group project. He finally heard his voice, learnt more about him. _Yoon Jeonghan_. When Jisoo went home that night, the name was still spinning in his head, and he understood something was different. Something was not _normal_. He liked the way slumber was constantly painted in his chocolate eyes. He liked the way Jeonghan laughed, when they've been assigned their work subject. He liked the way Jeonghan seemed so serious when they finally started focusing.

At some point, they became friends. Hung out together, got used to each other. Jisoo buried the weird feelings in a corner of his mind, tried to look at Jeonghan the way friends look at each other.

It was in summer, funnily. It seems like everything spins around summer, like this season is their anchor point. "No fun for you this year, your grades are the priority", had said his mother. Jeonghan went left behind, nothing but a few lines on his phone when he texted him. Jisoo thought being separated for some time would make his still unexplained feelings go away. But on an evening, when the sun disappears and the souls lighten, when everything seems easier, Jeonghan sent him a text, asking to meet at the elementary school of the town. Jisoo still doesn't really know why he went there, but he did and maybe that was the best decision of his life. Leaving home by the window, running to the meeting point, a huge fear weighing on his heart, he discovered Jeonghan sitting on a swing, rocking himself while looking at the stars. The brightest smile Jisoo's ever seen stretched his _friend_ 's lips when he saw him, and maybe it made him smile back for a reason he wasn't supposed to have. He couldn't stop thinking it was bad, couldn't just admit he was in love with his one and only friend. And then, that's when it happened : Jeonghan got up of the swing, took his hand, so very gently it seemed like he did that thousands of times before, and he led him behind the building, in silence, not answering Jisoo's questions. It felt natural to have Jeonghan's skin against his, for a few seconds, he thought it could finally be normal.

An old tree. A huge, massive, very old tree. And Jeonghan's smile. "What is it? That's just a tree..." Jeonghan nodded, proud, not letting go of his hand. Jisoo was confused. He didn't know if it was about the contact or the tree. Then, Jeonghan crouched down, pointing at a hole in the trunk, unnoticable in the dark and far away. Jisoo imitated him, discovered a hideout and smiled. Jeonghan clutched his fingers, and Jisoo remembers at that moment his ideas completely mixed, formed a storm in his mind, because Jeonghan was looking at him the same way he tried to not look at him usually. Jeonghan was talking, he only remembers a few words. "I hid there as a kid, it was my hideout with my imaginary friends. I promised myself I would take a real friend here someday." It was not only his mind, who was suffering from the storm, it was his whole body, his whole being. Jisoo was loosing control on himself. He looked at Jeonghan, cut him off. "I think I'm in love with you." Jeonghan hushed, looked taken aback for a second, smiled. He looked on their still linked hands and nodded. Jisoo was about to run away, to bury himself six feet under ground. He was already letting go of Jeonghan's hand, ready to forget his only friend because he messed up, but Jeonghan straightened his hold, intertwined their fingers. He nodded again, this time looking at Jisoo in the eyes. There was so much things Jisoo wasn't able to understand back then. But he knew he didn't mess up.

"That was our first kiss too, right?" Jisoo giggles, letting the sorrow finally slips on his skin, unable to reach for him at least for a few more minutes. He nods, looses a hand in Jeonghan's hair, smiles. "That was, but I prefer to focus on the hands. The kiss was a disaster!" Jeonghan bursts out laughing, blessing his boyfriend's ears. At the only exception of holding hands, every single one of their first times was a mess. But an unforgettable memory rooted in them forever. He slides a hand on his nape and leans forward, meeting his lips. It still has that kind of immature purity, that taste of never-ending youth. But they grew up. The kiss seems more confident, tastes better. Jisoo tugs on Jeonghan's hair, pressing his eyelids closed to make the moment last, silently asks him to hold him back. He doesn't want to grow up. 

When their lips separate, maybe a tear rolled on Jisoo's cheek. He doesn't quite know, and maybe doesn't want to. Tear or sweat, it wouldn't change anything. Jeonghan looks at him with this infinite fondness of him, the same one painted in his eyes when he used to hand him his books to cheat. Delicacy, tenderness, maybe that's what made Jisoo fall.

Fall in love. That's something interesting. If we fall, can we get up again, after? Where do we fall? Is there any way to be in love and continue on walking? He doesn't want to leave Jeonghan. He wants to have his hand in his forever. Everywhere, not just in their rooms, hidden from the outside world. He wants _their_ world to become _the_ world. But he can't be egoistic now. He's the one leaving, he's the one that will let go of Jeonghan's hand in the end. He's the one forced to get up.

Jeonghan keeps on caressing his face for a moment, wiping the drop away as if it never existed. He's avoiding his eyes. Could his be watering? Jisoo can't tell. Jeonghan rarely cries. The only time he saw him crying was when he thought he didn't love him because he hid him from his family. Jisoo had to explain, to kiss, to tell him he loves him from the deep bottom of his heart. To tell him he'd show him to the universe if he could, holding his hand, still. Oh. A tear rolls down. Two, three. Jeonghan wraps his arms around Jisoo's nape and hides his face. Jisoo would like to cry, too. His heart does, but the tears must stay inside. At least for today. At least for now. Maybe later, in his bed, alone, when the heat will have give them some peace for the night, he'll allow himself to cry. He strokes his hair, closes his eyes when Jeonghan sobs, feels his heart breaking in pieces that can't be repaired.

Three days. Summer will end in three days.

When Jeonghan breaks their embrace to wipe off the tears, sniffs a few times, finally allows their eyes to meet, the words slip on Jisoo's tongue : "Will you come to see me, over there?" A sad smile stretches Jeonghan's lips as he nods, rubs his face to avoid other tears. He catches Jisoo's hand and intertwines their fingers, holding their linked fists in the air, sticking their eyes with an unknown determination.

"I will wait for you."

He couldn't ask. Esteemed he didn't have the right to do so. Feared to ask and have to face a _no._ But Jeonghan says it himself. Maybe the shards in Jisoo's heart can be repaired, afterall. At least gathered in the wait of meeting the only one that can put them back in place. "You promise?" Jeonghan nods again. His hair jolts for a second and goes back to stick on his forehead. Jisoo separates their hands to hold his pinky finger in the air. His heart is beating faster. Jeonghan adds his finger, their thumbs kiss. In echo, they seal the deal : "Pinky promise."

When Jeonghan's mother sees their swollen eyes, she knows. When she suggests Jisoo to stay home for the night, she knows. The hands stay linked the whole night, their fingers getting numb, the skins sticking together. Maybe they will print in each other, so that they won't ever be separated.

Three days later, the heatwave has left. Arrived at the airport, about to get out of the car, Jeonghan takes his hand back, but Jisoo holds it. "Don't let go of my hand", he whispers. His mother doesn't say anything. At the terminal, he kisses Jeonghan. 

The heatwave has left to Los Angeles. 

 


End file.
